I want to share something with you… something that’s difficult to share, yet it’s my hope and my intention that a recent revelation I had in my life may help you in some way in your life and on your journey to finding the One for you and living the life you’ve always dreamed of.
All of my life, since I was very young, I have struggled with my weight. I’ve had moments where I’d whip myself into shape and hover around my healthy weight, but then I’d always self-sabotage and up the scale I’d go. It’s not that I don’t know how to eat right, exercise and it’s not that I don’t have the resources I need to support my health goals. Unconscious self-sabotage just would always kick in in the past… no matter what.
So I’ve been doing some inner work with a health coach recently that has really helped me get some clarity on the unknown “why” behind my self sabotage. And here’s my Big Reveal: That I keep myself overweight as a martyr for the rest of my life. There’s been this unconscious fear that God will take something or somebody precious away from me as my life just keeps getting better and better, so I need to sacrifice something so everybody and everything else stays okay. So I sacrificed my health.
UGH! This hurts just to write it down and share it out loud.
It’s a hard thing to face up to and to share in public for all to see- I am trembling and tearing up as I write this… AND I know that somehow, someway, a quiet, yet powerful shift has occurred for me. I’ve been seeing a “martyr in the mirror” for so, so long and I’m ready to let her go.
So you might be wondering what does this have to do with YOU and attracting your soulmate and the life of YOUR dreams… and of course I have some questions for you:
1. Do you sacrifice the life of your dreams to keep everybody in your life happy and not intimidated by you?
2. Is there a belief that you hold unconsciously that God will take something away from you if you start to “have it all”… including a loving, drama-free, AMAZING, life-long, fully committed relationship with the right person for you?
3. Could there be a belief inside that you can’t have it all? That SOMETHING must be sacrificed to keep the rest of your life the way you want it?
In other words… is there a martyr in YOUR mirror?
I invite you to check yourself here. Ask yourself these questions and be lovingly ruthless with yourself. If you answered yes to any of the questions… I have one more question for you
Are you WILLING to let this belief go?
It’s important for you to know that the first crucial step to changing something in your life is awareness of the situation. So if you’re now aware and you weren’t before, awesome!
Next…. Willingness is the key that unlocks the door to breakthroughs. By being willing to let it go, you give yourself a fighting chance to do so. If you feel so moved, please share in the comments section below what’s come up for YOU from these questions, if anything. And if you’re willing to start letting it go, let me know that too.
Here’s to all of us letting go of the “Martyr in the Mirror”– FOR GOOD.
“Self sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.”
- Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Lara, as always you are spot on. Lately I have been telling myself that I also deserve to have the healthy body of my dreams. Not to comply with society, or because I feel bad about myself as I am right now, but because I deserve to look and feel amazing. Thank you for your brave insight!
Love you, my friend, and I’m so glad you’ve come to this realization and can now break free of your limiting belief. You deserve to be fit and healthy!
Oh this is so on point Lara, thank you for sharing your AHA so others can see theirs. When we can truly become aware of what programs are running in the background even though on the surface our lives radically change but without knowing what the hidden road blocks from our previous journey are we cannot make a shift in this new life.
Congrats on all the work you have done, this does indeed sound like one of those small shifts with a huge ipple effect.
Wow Lara, thank you for this deep reveal and sharing. I did recently take a long look at a practice of mine that keeps me lonely, when I am saying I want to connect and be with my soulmate. I was drinking too much wine; when I wanted the evening to relax, when i was sad, and especially if I felt lonely. yikes, not gonna get me where I want to be ! guaranteed to keep me where I am, alone. As of last week, no more wine alone, no more wine almost every night. only at special times WITH friends, and especially not when I’m lonely. THAT’S the time to pull out a new healthy loving habit, journal, call someone, go for a walk… I’m willing to sacrifice the momentary comfort of a Pinot and risk the changes greater health brings.
Thank you for your courage and love, Georgie
Dearest Lara,
Ahhhh..the journey. Amazing isn’t it?! And don’t you just LOVE that we don’t frickin give up?! Brave n Beautiful Heart, I love your Warrior Spirit. And let’s be honest, it is that tenacious unstoppable loving roar that you have (who seriously kicked my ass in our first conversation) that had me begin to open my heart to the possibilities of your training and know I could trust you to coach me on my journey. If you hadn’t done the work I sincerely doubt you would have had the chutzpah to deal with my roar. I would have politely hung up and thought…”Hmmm I don’t need another wimp” but thank you. But THANK GOD I GOT YOU!
God wants more from us ..yes?
Much love, Christina
WOW, Lara I SO appreciate this coming from you. It’s so great to see such a successful woman that I admire SO MUCH to be honest and REAL and admit that she, too, is doing the work and letting go of things that are not serving her. Boy, do I relate. I DEFINITELY have felt that I “couldn’t have it all” and have had this HUGE fear that “God will take something away from me if I become successful” – so I’ve kept myself unsuccessful so I didn’t have to experience that. This comes at the PERFECT time for me as I am beginning to TRULY get in alignment with who I am and what I want – THANK YOU for being so TRUE. I can’t even tell you how much love and light you have brought into my life. I love you, Lara. You are incredible and an inspiration to so many, myself included. Sending lots of love as you continue on your Journey. xo
Hi Lara,
Thanks for this thoughtful post. I love that you are still getting coaching even though you found your soulmate! I spend a lot of time talking to women myself who think that once their mate shows up, their work is done!
LOL!
Thanks for being a great role model for a woman who is on the self growth highway with or without her man!
Love,
Catherine
Thank you, ladies for your kindness, feedback and support. I send you love!
-Lara
Wow- such a great post. I sometimes wonder if I’m sacrificing myself not just in love but in other areas because I have a sister with a developmental disability (very mind, but still challenging) and wonder if I keep myself small out of guilt. When she was briefly engaged (it broke off), I definitely felt a sense of relief that has since gone away after they ended things. I’m ready to let the martyr go but it’s still a challenge! Thanks for the reminder and boost to really work on that. Although, I’m really not sure how…
ps- I meant to write above very MILD not Mind..
thanks!
lots of love and appreciation to you!
Hi Lara,
Thank you for being so open and “real”. I think it reminds us all that no matter how successful we are on the outside, we all have work to do on the inside. None of us are alone or unique with our “issues” and until we share it with other like-minded spiritual women of integrity, it stays as a “shadow” inside us to haunt our progress. I can so relate to not wanting to intimidate others to maintain approval and acceptance… We need to applaud ourselves for the courage to be “fully awake” and make the journey. Remember Lara: “Not the quarry but the chase… not the trophy but the race”.