Relationships Exhausting You? This may be why…

by Dr. Lara Fernandez on February 7, 2012

Have you ever dated a man that you really really liked, and could LOVE if he would just change a few things? A man who was not living up to his “potential”? I had a friend years ago who was on the constant hamster wheel of “almost-men”; men who were not her match, but whom she thought she had to change in order to make them fit.

She was miserable and exhausted most of the time from all her change and control efforts. And she kept creating this same scenario over and over again with the men she dated. The men who had some self-respect left her pretty quickly, and the men who were as malleable as Jell-O stuck around for awhile, content to let her call all the shots in their lives. Then she would get frustrated and wiped out from trying to make them “fit”- which of course they never did.

No matter what, she ended up the same way over and over again: ALONE.

Here’s the deal, ladies: it’s NOT up to you to make your man live up to his “potential”. This is up to HIM. Love him for who is right now- or don’t, and then let him go, so you’re both free to find the right person for each of you.

When you meet a man and start your “relationship exploration”, (my new term for dating), remember that he is showing you his best self in the beginning, just as you are showing up as your best self for him. Believe him and don’t try to make him into someone he’s not.

It’s time to make better decisions for yourself in 2012. Start with knowing thyself and from there you will be able to recognize who your soulmate is… and who he clearly is not- and avoid any temptation to try to change him.

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