It’s Oscar time, and the fine films that were nominated and won featured some fine actors, great writing, directing, and totally love life-killing movies. Wait. What?
Listen, we’re experts in helping women find the love of their lives, so our job is to find anything and everything that might be standing in the way of that happening, for real. It’s the same stuff that stands on the way of your current relationship from developing further. How do the fine films featured at this week’s Hollywood red carpet extravaganza fit into that? Well, in more ways than we even have time for here, but lets look at just a few ways, shall we?
First, a disclaimer, I watch very few movies. I watch lots of trailers, but since I know what I’m going to share with you in this article, and I’m with my soulmate, Dr. Lara Fernandez – and I want to keep her – I stay away from too much Hollywood brainwashing- aka movies.
Okay, onto our main feature. Lets start with the obvious. “You can’t be what you can’t see” so movies give us a great opportunity to see what we want to be, envision our dreamed for future. If you’re a woman looking for a strong and smart woman who has a healthy relationship with her husband and children…you’ll be out of luck this year, like almost every year at Oscar time, as most movies are about men and for men. Women are the ornaments. What about the “Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”? Oh my goodness. I said healthy relationship with men.
Okay, moving on to the most popular movies with women affectionately, ahem, called “chick flicks” meaning “romantic comedies”. “Bridesmaids” was nominated this year for best writing (Original Screenplay, to be specific), didn’t win, maybe because it rehashed the same stuff from just about every other romantic comedy, albeit with a bit more brashness and shock value.
Lessons from Hollywood’s “how love goes” life lessons:
Lesson #1: Only gorgeous women get love. Unless you’re amazingly talented in some way, then the fact that you are NOT gorgeous is tolerated because of your talent and smarts. Even the so-called “not pretty” women in movies are only slightly less than gorgeous. Makes it tough when you look in the mirror and don’t see an airbrushed bombshell every day.
Lesson #2: No self-inquiry or personal growth needed, love will plop into your life and voila- you will live happily ever after. Bridesmaids was big on this, the lead character was a beautiful mess, and it was obvious why her life wasn’t working. She was rude, self centered, and pessimistic as heck. And in just a few minutes after meeting her, the super nice guy hunk was sweeping her off her feet. Big question in real life “why??” Why would HE be interested in HER? In real life – he wouldn’t be (unless he’s some sort of co-dependent weirdo who likes to “save” women). The old movie “Holiday” had this same idea – the problem is your guy lives on another continent! You can be miserable, self centered, unaware of your feelings and a poor communicator and none of that will matter, he’ll fall for you anyway (as long as you look like Cameron Diaz!). This lesson really builds on and combines with lesson #1.
Lesson #3: When you are with the right guy – he’ll be a mind reader! You don’t need to speak up for yourself, have normal conversations, have interests or opinions, or God forbid get into complicated stuff like previous relationships, children from other marriages, etc etc.
Sorry I had to use old movies to make points in this article. This year, once again, found us with none of the movies nominated for best picture had a woman and her life as the central figure and central storyline. Unless of course you count the cheating wife in the coma in The Descendants. This just makes it tougher for you to imagine that you can be and are the central figure, the creator of your life story. But you are.
And remember – the glitz and glamour of the latest designer dress draping the newest hottest star might make good gossip or “news” but it’s toxic for your love life, before you have one, and once you have one, too.
So we say this – write your own story, invest in your self and your personal development, and create your own Oscar-worthy movie. It may not be like Hollywood, but it’ll be real, and it’ll be yours – no popcorn or Photoshop needed.