Relationships are only work if YOU haven’t done your work FIRST

by Dr. Lara Fernandez on September 30, 2014

After a weekend of fun crafting with sparkly and glittery things with Isabelle, my heart is full. Spending time with her creating beautiful things that make us feel good inside is such a blessing!

Crafty Relationships are only work if YOU havent done your work FIRSTThis was our dining room table ALL weekend! It was a glorious, riotous mess I tell you!

In this week’s article, I bust the myth that relationships have to be lots of exhausting, painful WORK. I hope you enjoy it and find value in it.

Here’s to you, living the life of your dreams with your soulmate by your side,
Lara

P.S. Our podcast will be launching soooon! Do you have a love or dating question you’d like us to answer “on the air” ? Please call in your short question here and Johnny will answer it on the podcast for you (and everyone)! Please call (512) 827-0505 Ext 3928 (remember to use the extension!). Please say your first name and your city or country, then ask your brief and focused question.

article banner1 Relationships are only work if YOU havent done your work FIRST

I had a client, whom I’ll call Jenny, a few years back who was looking for love. She wanted to find a man, get married, and start a family with him. The only problem was…

ID 10076375 Relationships are only work if YOU havent done your work FIRSTHer life was a mess. Yes… a MESS. And it had been for quite some time.

She was miserable in her job as a personal assistant to a CEO of a local Silicon Valley start up… her boss was a perfectionist and a control freak and really unkind at times, and she didn’t stand up to him when he got out of line with the way he treated her, which was daily. Plus, this job was not paying very well and it simply was not something she wanted to do the rest of her life.

Her boyfriend of 3 years, whom she was hoping to marry, had just broken up with her by simply moving out of their apartment while she was away one weekend and had texted her to say he was leaving. And this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. She had been abandoned two other times by her exes!

Jenny was also very unhealthy. She had stopped exercising and the local In & Out Burger was for her like Norm walking into the Cheers bar. Everybody knew her name. Her energy and her confidence levels were at an all time low as well.

In other words, she had ABANDONED HERSELF.

But she wanted love and hired us to be her love mentors. What she THOUGHT she was going to get from us was some dating tips and tricks… what she DID GET from us was something altogether different. Yes, we eventually DID cover how to “get out there” in a way that’s REALLY in alignment with your highest intentions for soulmate love. But, you see, when our clients start working with us in our full year advanced LoveLaunch Program, we have them fill out a five page client intake form where we ask about their entire life, not just their love life. And then either Johnny or I get on the phone with each of them personally and go over the form and give specific, personalized LovePlan suggestions based on what we’ve read.

ID 100227699 Relationships are only work if YOU havent done your work FIRSTAnd when we read Jenny’s form, we could see that her life simply wasn’t working for her. We could see that if some major changes weren’t made in her work and health areas especially, she’d continue on a hamster wheel-like existence of self-deprivation and self-abandonment, as she had been doing for years, and she’d be LUCKY if she ever broke free of it without some major outside support and guidance.

You see, if she didn’t work on her own happiness and satisfaction FIRST, and if she didn’t work on getting herself pain and worry and doubt-free…

Then yes, her relationships WOULD always be hard and they WOULD always require a whole bunch of work.

So, Jenny’s story is an important lesson for all of us and what I want you to hear today is this…

You do not have to suffer in your relationships. And you most certainly don’t have to wear yourself out “working” on them all the time either.

Instead, get yourself fully ready to be in a happy, healthy relationship by first learning how to heal your past & find happiness….

All on your own…without a man first.

Because being happy and fulfilled all on your own is literally the prerequisite for finding lasting love too.

ID 10049412 Relationships are only work if YOU havent done your work FIRSTAnd here’s the COOLEST THING about all of this: it’s not required that you be TOTALLY HAPPY and have your life be perfect to find your Mr. Right! No…. what’s required is that you START MOVING (in a significant way, not just talking about it) toward creating a life that you love! Prince Charming isn’t coming to save you.

YOU be your own fairy godmother first (with some help and guidance from a coach or coaches icon wink Relationships are only work if YOU havent done your work FIRST who can help you uncover your blind spots), and WOW! watch your life change in ALL AREAS.

So what happened to Jenny? She took our advice around standing in her power with her boss and that relationship got healthier… and then lo and behold, he was transferred to another state to lead a start up there! And she became an assistant to a much, MUCH better person, and got a 10% raise too. The reason she got that raise?? She stood in her power and ASKED for it with the confidence that it takes to attract ANYTHING good in your life.

Jenny also started, within the context of our program, a concentrated effort of what we have dubbed Extraordinary Self Care. With our coaching, she realized that her energy and confidence levels would have to RAISE significantly to be able to attract a quality man, so she started taking WAYYY better care of herself using the customized “Self Care Kit” that we use in our teachings.

ID 10063219 Relationships are only work if YOU havent done your work FIRSTAnd not surprisingly, just a few short months later, she met a V.S.P. (Very Special Person), that actually didn’t turn out to be her guy… but he was an AMAZING appetizer to the main course who showed up just a month later! Now, she’s married and they’ve had two beautiful children together. I stay in touch with her on Facebook and it’s wonderful to see how her life is STILL amazing with her soulmate, all of these years later!

So if Jenny can do this, so can you. It starts within.

I’d love to hear from you. Please comment below any questions or comments on the blog and I’ll get back to you!

Johnny and Lara Recommend:
We invite you to join us and 21 other fellow love, dating, and relationship experts for the free “Heal Your Shadow Relationships” online video summit hosted by wisdom teacher and Spiritual Counselor Nijole (Neola) Sparkis, RScP, starting on October 1st.

What is the Shadow? It’s the unconscious part of us that is running the show behind the scenes! It’s behind such self-negating relationship habits as staying with unfulfilling partnerships or attracting unavailable or incompatible partners, throwing us into sabotage, emotional over-reaction, blame, shame, and defensiveness.

Once you learn to recognize and work WITH your Shadow consciously, your personal power to create the love you desire is unleashed! The energy that was holding you back is now released to bring you what you want, and you become more powerful than ever, acting from your true center.

Don’t miss the inspiring and moving stories and insights that we all share! Join us on October 1st – after all, it’s the perfect season for looking your Shadow in the face! We invite you to Heal Your Shadow Relationships. Claim your free virtual seat here now.

{ 1 comment }

If you gave your power away, go get it back!

by Dr. Lara Fernandez on September 23, 2014

After a great weekend spent with my dad and Johnny and Isabelle, I am ready for a great week! How about you?

I hope you enjoy this week’s article. I look forward to reading your comments on the blog!

article banner1 If you gave your power away, go get it back!

ID 100227913 If you gave your power away, go get it back!It’s time to stop living in the past, girlfriend. Let go of those old relationships that no longer serve you.

That guy that cheated on you, or you cheated on him… let him go.

The guy who lied to you, or you lied to him… let him go.

The guy who manipulated you, or you manipulated him… let him go.

If you gave your power away, it’s time to get it back already.

How?

Here’s how to start getting it back:

Stand in your power and speak your truth, even and especially if it’s uncomfortable.
Getting your power back can only happen when you are willing to have those uncomfortable conversations. If you speak your truth with compassion and are willing to have those hard conversations, then life will be easier.

Be willing to forgive yourself for your mistakes and perceived mistakes.
Keep in mind I wrote, “BE WILLING…” This is the crucial first step that many people skip or ignore completely. I know that sometimes forgiving yourself for your mistakes can seem impossible, but the only way to even open the door to forgiveness, much less step through to it… is to be willing to forgive. Willingness is the key that unlocks the door to forgiveness and therefore, RELIEF and FREEDOM.

ID 10041707 If you gave your power away, go get it back!Keep your word to yourself. When you make a commitment, KEEP IT.
This is so so important!
This is another step that most people don’t even know about. To get your power back, you must be in INTEGRITY with yourself. You see, your spirit (that part of you that is a part of Higher Power) is, at its core, FULL OF INTEGRITY. Your spirit, aka your Higher Self, always wants to do the right thing. If you don’t keep your word to yourself, your spirit knows it, and over time, little by little, you trust yourself less and less. So when you say you’re going to do something, DO IT. If you say you’re not going to do something, DON’T DO IT. By staying in integrity, you take your power back. And when you screw up, and don’t keep your word… OWN IT. Take responsibility for it, and re-commit to do the right thing.

** A word to the wise here about what you’re committing TO**
Another way we sabotage ourselves is by OVER-COMMITTING and saying yes to too many things, when we really should be saying NO. Listen, even wonderful opportunities can be OBSTACLES to the life of your dreams. I know so many women who say yes, yes, yes to every activity they’re invited to, leaving no time for themselves to revive and re-group and tend to themselves with loving self care. And then, many times, these ladies flake out at the last minute because “they need to take care of themselves”. HUMPH. Take care of yourself when you’re asked to go to that party that you don’t really want to go to (or maybe that you DO want to go to, but that you can tell by looking at your calendar that you’ll be overbooking yourself for that day), and SAY NO when you’re asked… not the day of the party!

ID 100111567 If you gave your power away, go get it back!Okay…. there’s 3 major steps you can start on right away to get your power back. I hope you find it helpful. I’d love to hear from you about what really spoke to you in this article and how you plan to apply it to your life, so please comment below on the blog and I’ll respond. I love to hear from you and I do my best to respond to every comment.

Johnny and Lara recommend:
If you want to lose weight, you already know all the things you “should” to be doing. You say them to yourself almost every day. “I know I should be eating better,” “I know I should exercise more”, “I know I need to make more time for myself.” And in the end, it all comes down to this: “I know what to do, I’m just not doing it.”

I want to introduce you to my friend and colleague, Kristen Kancler, who is an Emotional Eating Expert. She knows how hopeless and frustrating it feels to know what’s possible and then continue to watch yourself do the same thing over and over – and she wants to help.

On September 23rd, she’ll be hosting a very special live call: The Real Reason You’re Not Losing Weight – And How to Change That for Good! Find out what’s really going on, and what you can do about it!

Register HERE for this exclusive free teleseminar.

Entrepreneurs Resources:
If you have your own business and are looking for more clients, learn from one of the best at attracting your ideal clients- my good friend & colleague Sage Lavine is hosting a free webinar – Fast Direction: 3 Best Ways to Clarify & Claim More of Your Divine Ideal Clients and Make a Bigger Difference in the world!

{ 5 comments }

5 Reasons Your Online Profile Isn’t Working

September 16, 2014

Isabelle and I just returned from our adventure this past weekend of a women’s spiritual gathering in the forest of Mendocino county up here in Northern California. What an awesome and inspiring experience! So thankful! “Here’s Isabelle enjoying the zip line at the retreat! She did it 9 times in a row!!” “She’s all smiles […]

Read the full article →

Do you have frenemies?

September 9, 2014

We just delivered another amazing weekend workshop for our advanced LoveLaunch Program clients this past weekend. It was awesome! So thankful to do this work that we do. In this week’s article, Johnny shares with you, in his awesome New Yorker way, about friends who are actually enemies and how that affects your journey to […]

Read the full article →

This could be you!

September 2, 2014

This week, we are preparing to deliver one of our live events for our advanced program clients. As always, we are thrilled and excited to do the work that we do! Supporting women to fully step into their power in love, life and relationships is the BEST work I know of! This week’s article is […]

Read the full article →

What do your past relationships reveal about YOU?

August 26, 2014

We’ve been back at work this past week, enjoying and savoring the blessing of our work that has so much meaning and joy in it. Grateful! After the last two weeks of articles from Johnny I’m back with a very special question for you: So, what do your past relationships say about you? Do you […]

Read the full article →