5 Reasons Your Online Profile Isn’t Working

by Dr. Lara Fernandez on September 16, 2014

Isabelle and I just returned from our adventure this past weekend of a women’s spiritual gathering in the forest of Mendocino county up here in Northern California. What an awesome and inspiring experience! So thankful!

photo 5 Reasons Your Online Profile Isn’t Working“Here’s Isabelle enjoying the zip line at the retreat! She did it 9 times in a row!!” icon wink 5 Reasons Your Online Profile Isn’t Working

photo 1 e1410844298796 5 Reasons Your Online Profile Isn’t Working“She’s all smiles after zip lining for hours!”

In this week’s article, I share with you the top 5 reasons your online profile may not be working for you. Check it out!

article banner1 5 Reasons Your Online Profile Isn’t Working

I was nervous. Shaky, even. Hands all sweaty, heart beating fast. I was waiting for my first date with a man I had met on Match.com. Sitting there in the busy and hip n’ happening Mexican restaurant in downtown San Francisco, I couldn’t believe that here I was about to meet a man in person! On “paper”, he seemed to have everything I had been dreaming of. Kind, funny, warm, outgoing. Now it was time to see if what I thought him to be and what he really was, was a match.

ID 10021428 5 Reasons Your Online Profile Isn’t WorkingOne date and a long story short, we were not a match for one another. He was a great guy, just not my guy. I was so disappointed! The good news is, just a few short weeks later, a man named “Johnny Fernandez” reached out to me on Match.com… and of course, the rest is history.

And now we’ve had the privilege of helping many women over the years to attract their soulmate both online and offline, and we’ve come up with five biggest reasons a woman’s online profile isn’t working. Here they are:

1. Too many pictures of you surrounded by your friends and family. This makes it hard for him to focus on you. I know you think that you need to show how popular you are with your friends and busy, bustling social life, but that’s not true. Just put up 5-8 good pictures of you, both headshots and full length shots (YES… full length shots) and some fun action shots of activities you like to do.

2. You have a harsh “tone” of writing, where you’re basically telling a man what to do and how to be and it’s an energy of ordering him around like a manservant. This doesn’t attract a healthy man and repels him in fact. Start to shift this by how you treat yourself. Kindness and being good to yourself (or a lack thereof) is a reflection of how you show up on your profile. So be kind, generous, loving, and considerate to yourself first then go from there.

ID 10044005 5 Reasons Your Online Profile Isn’t Working3. You’ve got energetic blocks to allowing soulmate love to happen. In other words, you really WANT to find your man, but you’re so scared and nervous that you’ll get hurt or that it won’t work out that on an energetic level, you’re pushing him away. You’d like to have a healthy, monogamous, lifelong relationship, but you don’t really believe it’s possible, so you push him away. Or… you’re more in wishful thinking than confident anticipation. It’s like your “blind spot” (for most that’s blind SPOTS, plural) which – as you know in driving – can be dangerous.

Does this show up in your online profile? You better believe it. Having thoroughly reviewed oodles of clients’ and non-clients online profiles, it POPs out to us, and it is noticed by the men looking at your profile – whether they are conscious to it or not.

4. You’ve only let your best girlfriend (who’s also single) look at your profile and give you feedback on it. You see, what men and women think is a good profile – a representative of a truly open, available, and attractive woman is very different. Very. Remember those blind spots? It shows up in your profile. You want an expert (who’s attracted their soulmate consciously and intentionally themselves, ideally online) to help you with this (not write it for you, but help you be YOU and express yourself in a way that’s more magnetic, open and authentic).

(BTW, we get asked about this all the time, while we DO do a complete personal online profile makeover with our advanced program clients, we don’t do it when not part of our advanced program.)

5. Forgetting that the online profile is an important way to get to the in person experience (and therefore rushing to get to meeting in person too soon… or postponing or stalling to meet live). Johnny and I recently attended the wedding of dear friends, and one of the things we were very present to is that nothing compares to being live and in person in the room, when the magic is happening. This is why we have both online courses and in person courses, like our LIVE Love Breakthrough Weekend, where we help women to remove those energetic blocks to allowing soulmate love to happen for them.

ID 10058854 5 Reasons Your Online Profile Isn’t Working“Online dating” is kind of a not accurate term. It’s online meeting, to get to in person dating (what we call the “relationship exploration dance”). So you don’t want to rush that meeting time, nor do you want to drag it out. Many times people rush to meet quickly, certain that they’ll “know if they have chemistry” or not right away. That’s a mistake. (and I’ll explain the double edged sword of “chemistry” in a future article.) So don’t rush the “getting to know each other” phase, but don’t drag it out either.

So there you have it. The Top 5 Reasons your profile isn’t working. Now the only question is “What are you going to change on your profile?” I’d love to hear from you in the comments section below and I’ll do my best to answer every comment!

Entrepreneurs Resources: 

If you’re an entrepreneur looking to connect with more of your ideal clients, my good friend & colleague Sage Lavine is hosting a free webinar – Fast Direction: 3 Best Ways to Clarify & Claim More of Your Divine Ideal Clients and Make a Bigger Difference in the world!

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Do you have frenemies?

by Johnny Fernandez on September 9, 2014

We just delivered another amazing weekend workshop for our advanced LoveLaunch Program clients this past weekend. It was awesome! So thankful to do this work that we do.

In this week’s article, Johnny shares with you, in his awesome New Yorker way, about friends who are actually enemies and how that affects your journey to love. I’m sure you’ll love it.

P.S. Our podcast is coming sooooon: Have a hot love/dating question? ASK AWAY! Please call (512) 827-0505 Ext 3928 (remember to use the extension!). Just say your first name + your city, state &/or country, then ask your brief and focused question and I’ll (Johnny) answer it on an upcoming podcast episode.

article banner1 Do you have frenemies?

“A doubtful friend is worse than a certain enemy. Let a man be one thing or the other, and we then know how to meet him.” – Aesop

ID 10054126 Do you have frenemies? When you’re on your journey toward the love of your life and the life of your dreams who you have around you really does matter. Who is around you, especially in your “inner circle” really matters. One of the reasons why the women who work with us state again and again how important the loving, uplifting, and supportive community of other women is on their journey is because that “inner circle” has influence on you. Like it or not.

Yes, you are in charge of you, and no one can make you feel anything without your consent…but if you have ever had a “friend” who has done any of these things (below), you know how quickly your confidence can be shaken, your heart hurt, your outlook dimmed, and your hope dashed.

See if these descriptions of “friends” describes anything you have experienced: (oh, and “friend” can include family members, co-workers, even neighbors)

  • Your “best friend” takes an instant dislike to the guy you are interested in, never giving you the chance to evaluate him yourself.
  • Your sister or brother who reminds you of the divorce, the messes you’ve made in previous relationships. So rather than your “life highlight reels” they seem to relish in reminding you of the “lowlights”.
  • Your girlfriend who reminds you of the duds you’ve fallen for, even as you proclaim that now you’re different.
  • Your father who criticises any guy you bring around and wonders where you find these jerks.
  • Your girlfriend who reminds you of the times you said that “online dating doesn’t work for you” as you try to set up a new profile.
  • Your mother who “encourages” you by saying men would find you more attractive if you’d just lose those 10 pounds and wear more dresses.
  • Your friend who says “it won’t work, you’re just messed up!” when you decide you’ll go to learn about your inner blocks to love, and what the heck is going on with all these going nowhere “relationships”?

Even if you haven’t experienced any of these out and out traitors to your true love journey, pay close attention here, because the time may come when you discover your inner circle has a too close for comfort traitor, and it may be time for what I’ve heard called a “friend-ectamy”.

Here are three steps to see whether your inner circle is helping you or holding you back. Friend…or enemy? For now, they could be called a “frenemy”.

One: Uncover the Frenemy:

ID 10054165 Do you have frenemies? If they have done or are actively doing any of the things outlined above. They may be a candidate for a friend-ectamy.

If you find yourself having the same conversations about men, love, relationships, and your future relationship possibilities (not good ones) month after month, year after year…your friendship may be in a rut, and it/they may be holding you back.

If they always seem to have a crisis, rely you for “moral support”, financial support, or other type of “support”, but it never goes the other way around…the drama of their life is affecting your life. Guaranteed.

If you find them reminding you of your limitations, or how HARD it all is, or being negative or critical when you talk about wanting to learn, grow, or change…they are definitely holding you back.

Two: Get Real With Yourself.

I hear financial advisors say that you’re going to have the financial net worth of the average of your five closest friends. The same could apply in love. If your closest friends are single, or in a relationship, but you don’t want their relationship, these may not the best person/people to spend a lotta time with or give a lot of credence to what they say to you when it comes to love. I know, I know…easier said than done.

Here’s what you can do to start: First, journal about each of your closest friends/family members. Do you feel great around them? Uplifted? Encouraged? Like a good person? or like a stumbling idiot or a loser? Being the savior for that friend who is always in crisis can be draining. Be real about how you feel, not how you think you should feel.

Three: Commit to be True to Yourself.

ID 100237793 Do you have frenemies? If you have identified a “frenemy” – someone (or a few someones) who might mean well but may be holding you back, all is not lost. They may simply be clueless about what it takes to have a wonderful, loving, relationship. And keep in mind, her criticism and negativity toward you is more about her not believing she can find true love. Or she may be in a relationship that she’s not thrilled with and figures you can’t do any better, so why try? We encourage you be true to yourself, and what you want for your life. It may be time to get at least one new friend who is uplifting, positive, and on the journey of wanting to attract your dream love life and dream life. We have seen many women make new, lifelong friends at our live Love Breakthrough Weekend. Can you change the direction and have a breakthrough in your love life? Absolutely. It’s possible, and will be even more so when you have at least one good friend around you to encourage you, support you, not hold you back.

Being true to yourself may mean you get new friends more in alignment with the new you. Does that mean you have to be mean to anyone? That you’re ‘better than” anyone? No. But if you’re feeling like they may be holding you back, you’re actually annoying them with all this talk of change, growth, new outlook, etc. Be real about what lights you up. Allow yourself to be openly hopeful, put some action behind it and your real friends will join you.

ID 10041686 Do you have frenemies? Oh, and if you already have a good friend around you, and you want to change your love life going forward, you might want to both join us in our Love Breakthrough Group Mentoring Telecourse at the start of the new year where we’ll help you have a NEW conversation around love, your possibilities, and your history really means for you. In one extraordinary month you’ll shift those old beliefs about love, men, and relationships so you are more in alignment with true love…and you can bring home your sweetheart to the next company picnic, or net family gathering, and show your mom that your sweetheart loves you just as you are, “10 extra pounds” and all!

One of the top five regrets of the dying is regret over failing to be true to oneself. Specifically – I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. Life is too short. Be kind. Be real. And be true to you.

And if you have negative, discouraging, cynical, or clueless people around you, you need to inoculate yourself from them, because you might become them, or worse…you may already be like that, and she’s figuring out how to get some distance from you. Yikes!

Here’s a quote that has helped me create the life of my dreams, including being with the love of my life. Maybe it’ll help you, too:

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
– George Bernard Shaw

So, what do YOU think of what I wrote about this week? I’d love to hear from you and I do my best to respond to every comment (because I’m on vacation the next few weeks, it’ll take a little time, but I WILL get back to you)… so leave a comment below here on the blog!

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This could be you!

September 2, 2014

This week, we are preparing to deliver one of our live events for our advanced program clients. As always, we are thrilled and excited to do the work that we do! Supporting women to fully step into their power in love, life and relationships is the BEST work I know of! This week’s article is […]

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What do your past relationships reveal about YOU?

August 26, 2014

We’ve been back at work this past week, enjoying and savoring the blessing of our work that has so much meaning and joy in it. Grateful! After the last two weeks of articles from Johnny I’m back with a very special question for you: So, what do your past relationships say about you? Do you […]

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You’re stronger than you think

August 19, 2014

We are back home after a delightful time in NYC. It was the perfect vacation: we were thrilled to go to NYC… and then thrilled to leave and come home to our little town by the water, Benicia. Life is good! Here’s a few more pictures from last week: You’re stronger than you think you […]

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The SHOCKING truth about soulmate love

August 12, 2014

We are still having loads of fun here in New York! Sending you love from the city that never sleeps! In this week’s article, written by Johnny, he’s sharing with you the SHOCKING truth about soulmate love and how you find it. I truly hope you enjoy it and find value in it. When I […]

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