Are You Too Overwhelmed for Love?

by Dr. Lara Fernandez on April 22, 2014

After a restful weekend, this week we are busily preparing for our Love Breakthrough Weekend for this weekend. As you can imagine, it takes a lot of advanced preparation to deliver a workshop that will literally change the direction of the women’s lives! Super excited about the breakthroughs and aha’s that will be happening for the participants, and I know that they’ve cleared their schedules so they can get the most learnings out of the experience.

So, how are YOU doing on your journey to your soulmate? Are you too stressed and overwhelmed for love? Is your life so FULL that no man could possibly fit in? If you REALLY want your Mr. Right, this is a question I invite you to really ask yourself and let it sink in. In this week’s article, I address this because I see it as a huge issue for women these days. I truly hope you find it helpful and enlightening.

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dating a very busy woman Are You Too Overwhelmed for Love?I had a client a few years ago who was really amazing. She was a total go-getter in her life. 42 years old, she was the head of a busy department of a software company in Silicon Valley, working 45-50 hour weeks most of the time, she was soccer coach for her 10 year old daughter’s soccer team, and a busy volunteer at her church, heading up several committees there, as well as being in the choir. Every Sunday night had her collapsing on the sofa at home, wondering what happened to her weekend, only to get up the next Monday morning (at 5am so she could work out and then get her daughter to school) and then she’d start the work week anew. This had been going on for years.

There was simply NO SPACE in her life for a special man. But she didn’t know it.

 Are You Too Overwhelmed for Love?Every two weeks, she’d hire a sitter (her daughter’s dad had disappeared) and go out on a GNO (Girls’ Night Out) with her girlfriends. These ladies, all of them single and looking for love like her, would meet up at a local hip restaurant and enjoy dinner and then, even though they were wiped out from their busy week, they’d down a shot of espresso and hit the local singles’ scene…. the bars and lounges of Silicon Valley, hoping to “get lucky”.

And by “get lucky”, I DON’T mean sleep with someone. They had been there, done that, thank you very much. No, I mean they were hoping to meet someone special. Meet the love of their life.

But it wasn’t happening.

My client had hired a high-end matchmaking service to the tune of $10K (Yes, $10,000)… thinking that was the answer. But the hugely successful and very eligible men she met through that were just as busy and packed in their lives as she was. No real connection was made, after one full year of aggressively and, as the matchmaking service called it, “successfully dating”.

woman blowing kiss to laptop pf Are You Too Overwhelmed for Love?She also “put herself out there” on several Internet dating sites. She even had hired a copywriter to write her online profile ($2,000). No dice after two years online. Sure, she met some really nice guys and went on dates, but the most anyone lasted was two months.

By the time she heard of Johnny and me, she was fried. She had started to entertain the idea of being single her entire life. But one of her best friends had done one of our online telecourses and then had come to our Love Breakthrough Weekend, and then she had joined our advanced LoveLaunch Program, a year long program of live workshops and personalized coaching… and within that year, her friend had met and married her soulmate!

So this woman decided to give it ONE more go. She carved out a few hours a week to invest in something different, and took our Love Breakthrough Telecourse to begin looking within. She started changing the beliefs and behaviors that had gotten her the results in love that she had experienced so far.

woman rejoicing 588x400 Are You Too Overwhelmed for Love?Then she, through all sorts of obstacles, actually gave herself the gift of an entire weekend to focus on love. No, not some romantic getaway – instead she went within, and this time, with some help. She came to our Love Breakthrough Weekend and removed the blocks and blind spots to lifetime, committed love. Then she joined the LoveLaunch Program.

This client was one of the most committed and dedicated students of love I had ever seen. After years of her focusing on the external factors to finding love, she really GOT, that it was the INTERNAL FACTORS that was holding her back from her birthright of soulmate love!

And one of the biggest blocks for her (and for many of our clients) was this:

She was TOO OVERWHELMED for love!

Yep… she was over-scheduled. She was over-committed to everything and everyone else but HERSELF. She had kept giving herself away so much that there was NOTHING LEFT… no space for love. No space for a man to even fit in!

And all of that stuff she was doing was ALL GREAT. But not if it’s at the expense of HER…. of her peace of mind. There was simply NO SPACIOUSNESS in her life. No space to sit quietly even for five minutes and get in touch with her true desires.

Remember the saying, “The Universe abhors a vacuum, and will rush to fill it?” (something like that) Well, if there was ever a true statement, this IS IT.

After nine years of working with thousands of women, this is what I’ve seen: most of the time, your soulmate is not found at a frantic pace in a singles’ bar or loud party. You meet him when you’re at that “quiet soul-space within”, when there’s SPACE for him in your life.

girl pointing Are You Too Overwhelmed for Love?So here’s what you want to do:
Create a VACUUM in your life for love.

That’s what our client did, on our recommendation. She kept the position as soccer coach for her daughter’s soccer team, as that brought her so much joy and connection time with her daughter, that it actually RAISED her vibration. And she quit the volunteering at her church and took herself out of the committees, too, and decided to only volunteer every now and then, but no more than every three months for a one-day only job. That way, she was able to continue to do activities that mattered to her, yet create more space in her life.

And you know what else she did? She continued her GNO’s, but only went out to dinner with her friends, and went home afterwards, to cuddle up on the couch with a cup of tea and to fill out her LoveLaunch workbook (which is one of the tools of the program). And then to bed at a decent hour, so she could wake up refreshed and ready for the last day of the work week and be looking forward to the weekend with joy instead of burned-out exhaustion.

images Are You Too Overwhelmed for Love?And, about mid-way through the program, she had an Online Profile Makeover (which is one of the features of our advanced LoveLaunch Program) with Johnny and me, where we looked over her profile and then helped her make it more magnetic and authentic to who she REALLY was, rather than repelling (which is what most online profiles are), two months later, she met a VSP: a Very. Special. Person. icon wink Are You Too Overwhelmed for Love?

And they’ve been together ever since.

TWO factors Are You Too Overwhelmed for Love?So how can this information help you? What did our client do that was so transforming for her life? Here are two key factors in her soulmate success:

1. Commit to becoming a student of soulmate love and healthy relationship.
Our client invested time, energy and money in being a student of love. And she never gave up, even when the external factors of getting a matchmaker and online dating didn’t work. She kept learning and growing. She persevered and maintained a growth mindset about it.

2. Ask yourself, “Am I too overwhelmed for love?” and if yes, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Really look at your schedule. Is there SPACE for you in it? Is there time to get quiet, journal, pray, meditate, enjoy nature, exercise, and enjoy solitude? If you don’t have a few hours every week for what you enjoy now and what you’re stepping into…then something needs to GO.

Because, just think about it, if you can’t find a few hours, or a few days to regularly and consistently focus on you and what makes you light up, and how you can replenish and grow yourself, then how could you EVER find time for a real relationship? Answer: chances are you can’t, and you wont. If not now, then when?

So, how can you apply the above to YOUR LIFE? I’d love to hear about it. Please comment below. I do my best to respond to every comment. And in the meantime, have a great week.

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Don’t make these mistakes with men

by Dr. Lara Fernandez on April 14, 2014

Back from a highly social and connecting weekend filled with LOVE. We had brunch in the beautiful wine country town of Sonoma at a dear friend’s house. I mean, when we got the invitation, “Brunch, in the springtime, in Sonoma, with longtime friends”… we simply couldn’t refuse!!! I’ve known this amazing woman, Judith, since I was 6 years old! She’s been like a mom to me and I’m blessed to have her as a friend, mentor, and “grandma” to Isabelle! This is her and her awesome husband, Michael.

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Then, straightaway, we drove to Oakland to have dinner and connecting time at another dear friend’s house! We officiated Kari and Terry’s wedding last year, and it was awesome to break (gluten free!) bread together, so to speak, in their beautiful new PURPLE home! icon wink Dont make these mistakes with men

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So, how’s it going on your soulmate connecting journey? Do you feel intuitively like you’re getting closer to your Mr. Right? Or do you feel like you’ve never been so distant from finding love in your life? Or maybe somewhere in between?

If you’re “getting out there” to try to find your beloved, I’ve shared a few mistakes that you may be making and what you can do instead. I hope you find it helpful!

Have a beautiful, love-filled week!

Johnny & Lara Recommend: Last Chance to Work With Us in 2014
Registration closes this Friday, April 18th, for our 2014 Love Breakthrough Weekend. This is your last opportunity to work with us personally in 2014. We’ll still share these weekly articles, but if you want to go deeper in your learning and have our personal attention and guidance, and begin that major turnaround and fresh start right now, as well as more advanced learning that can only be addressed live and in person -this is it.

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commitment stm Dont make these mistakes with menIncredible, exciting, and fulfilling committed marriages and relationships don’t “just happen.” You aren’t going to “luck into” one, contrary to what most romantic comedies would lead you to believe.

If you’ve been reading my blog for some time now, you know that focus, effort and intention need to be invested BEFORE you even find your man! This is why Johnny and I are encouraging you to make that investment in YOURSELF… NOW. Like at our Love Breakthrough Weekend workshop, the time and energy invested there is something you’ll take into not only finding your man… but KEEPING him. Talk about an ROI! (Return On Investment)!

As you are getting out there and doing what I call “Relationship Exploration”… (as opposed to just dating), there are some common mistakes that a lot of women make. Now, I could write a book about relationship mistakes, but for now, I’m going to share 3 of the most common ones I’ve seen lately.

three fingers j 1349481cl 8 Dont make these mistakes with menMistake #1: Sacrificing or negating who you are (aka NOT standing in your power)

Stand up for yourself, girlfriend. If you are not interested in a man, you can be “nice” about it and CLEAR and FIRM about it too.

Stand up for who you really are and what makes you light up in life too. With the right man, he’ll really dig that you’re uber interested in that recent TedTalk about the recent discovery of the legendary giant squid (kind of like the Loch Ness Monster of the oceanic world). He’ll love that your idea of a great date night is at home, with him, with the fireplace lit, a little wine… and both of you reading your novels or non-fiction books… and he’ll think it’s sexy that you love to talk about those books or that giant squid, too! (Ask me how I know…. *wink*)

Never apologize for what you love, what you’re excited about it in your life to a man you’re dating. Stand up for what you love. The WRONG guy won’t think that’s awesome… the RIGHT guy will either love what you love or at the very least, be turned on by your enthusiasm and happy for you!

77278276 Dont make these mistakes with menMistake #2: Sleeping with a man too soon

You already know this. Right? I’m putting this here to remind you. (Don’t sleep with a man before you two have agreed to a monogamous relationship with one another… and by “agreed”, I don’t mean that you’ve coerced or manipulated him into it). This is for you only if you are SERIOUS about finding your future husband. If you’re just looking to play around and enjoy some serial monogamy for awhile, go for it. But I’m talking to the woman who wants her lifetime love as quickly as possible.

Mistake #3: When you kill his thrill of the pursuit

Remember, guys are looking for an adventure. They love a task, a job, a hero’s quest. So make sure you’re not the easy pickin’s for him. Don’t pretend that you don’t want a man in your life, and please know that if you’re going after what you want in every aspect of your life, the RIGHT man will keep up with you… and be THRILLED to do it!

If he doesn’t have to put forth some effort, do some pursuit, work and even fight to win you…he probably won’t want you or value you for the long run. The right man wants to impress you. He wants to feel like you have high standards (first and foremost for yourself), that makes you that much more “valuable” to him. And lets him know that you aren’t just looking for any ol’ guy, but a special man. When you, though your actions, make him feel like that special man he feels better about himself, and about YOU.

is your marriagerelationship strong enough  Dont make these mistakes with menLET HIM WORK TO WIN YOU!
Really.

There are actually two reasons for this, and only one of them has to do with how fiercely competitive and task-oriented guys are.

The second one is this…

YOU ARE WORTH IT. If you can really start to OWN this and act like a high value woman, your man (not just any man, I’m talking about Mr. Right) will value you, too. The universe will meet you at the level of your commitment to yourself. Start today.

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