Don’t make these mistakes with men

by Dr. Lara Fernandez on April 14, 2014

Back from a highly social and connecting weekend filled with LOVE. We had brunch in the beautiful wine country town of Sonoma at a dear friend’s house. I mean, when we got the invitation, “Brunch, in the springtime, in Sonoma, with longtime friends”… we simply couldn’t refuse!!! I’ve known this amazing woman, Judith, since I was 6 years old! She’s been like a mom to me and I’m blessed to have her as a friend, mentor, and “grandma” to Isabelle! This is her and her awesome husband, Michael.

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Then, straightaway, we drove to Oakland to have dinner and connecting time at another dear friend’s house! We officiated Kari and Terry’s wedding last year, and it was awesome to break (gluten free!) bread together, so to speak, in their beautiful new PURPLE home! icon wink Dont make these mistakes with men

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So, how’s it going on your soulmate connecting journey? Do you feel intuitively like you’re getting closer to your Mr. Right? Or do you feel like you’ve never been so distant from finding love in your life? Or maybe somewhere in between?

If you’re “getting out there” to try to find your beloved, I’ve shared a few mistakes that you may be making and what you can do instead. I hope you find it helpful!

Have a beautiful, love-filled week!

Johnny & Lara Recommend: Last Chance to Work With Us in 2014
Registration closes this Friday, April 18th, for our 2014 Love Breakthrough Weekend. This is your last opportunity to work with us personally in 2014. We’ll still share these weekly articles, but if you want to go deeper in your learning and have our personal attention and guidance, and begin that major turnaround and fresh start right now, as well as more advanced learning that can only be addressed live and in person -this is it.

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commitment stm Dont make these mistakes with menIncredible, exciting, and fulfilling committed marriages and relationships don’t “just happen.” You aren’t going to “luck into” one, contrary to what most romantic comedies would lead you to believe.

If you’ve been reading my blog for some time now, you know that focus, effort and intention need to be invested BEFORE you even find your man! This is why Johnny and I are encouraging you to make that investment in YOURSELF… NOW. Like at our Love Breakthrough Weekend workshop, the time and energy invested there is something you’ll take into not only finding your man… but KEEPING him. Talk about an ROI! (Return On Investment)!

As you are getting out there and doing what I call “Relationship Exploration”… (as opposed to just dating), there are some common mistakes that a lot of women make. Now, I could write a book about relationship mistakes, but for now, I’m going to share 3 of the most common ones I’ve seen lately.

three fingers j 1349481cl 8 Dont make these mistakes with menMistake #1: Sacrificing or negating who you are (aka NOT standing in your power)

Stand up for yourself, girlfriend. If you are not interested in a man, you can be “nice” about it and CLEAR and FIRM about it too.

Stand up for who you really are and what makes you light up in life too. With the right man, he’ll really dig that you’re uber interested in that recent TedTalk about the recent discovery of the legendary giant squid (kind of like the Loch Ness Monster of the oceanic world). He’ll love that your idea of a great date night is at home, with him, with the fireplace lit, a little wine… and both of you reading your novels or non-fiction books… and he’ll think it’s sexy that you love to talk about those books or that giant squid, too! (Ask me how I know…. *wink*)

Never apologize for what you love, what you’re excited about it in your life to a man you’re dating. Stand up for what you love. The WRONG guy won’t think that’s awesome… the RIGHT guy will either love what you love or at the very least, be turned on by your enthusiasm and happy for you!

77278276 Dont make these mistakes with menMistake #2: Sleeping with a man too soon

You already know this. Right? I’m putting this here to remind you. (Don’t sleep with a man before you two have agreed to a monogamous relationship with one another… and by “agreed”, I don’t mean that you’ve coerced or manipulated him into it). This is for you only if you are SERIOUS about finding your future husband. If you’re just looking to play around and enjoy some serial monogamy for awhile, go for it. But I’m talking to the woman who wants her lifetime love as quickly as possible.

Mistake #3: When you kill his thrill of the pursuit

Remember, guys are looking for an adventure. They love a task, a job, a hero’s quest. So make sure you’re not the easy pickin’s for him. Don’t pretend that you don’t want a man in your life, and please know that if you’re going after what you want in every aspect of your life, the RIGHT man will keep up with you… and be THRILLED to do it!

If he doesn’t have to put forth some effort, do some pursuit, work and even fight to win you…he probably won’t want you or value you for the long run. The right man wants to impress you. He wants to feel like you have high standards (first and foremost for yourself), that makes you that much more “valuable” to him. And lets him know that you aren’t just looking for any ol’ guy, but a special man. When you, though your actions, make him feel like that special man he feels better about himself, and about YOU.

is your marriagerelationship strong enough  Dont make these mistakes with menLET HIM WORK TO WIN YOU!
Really.

There are actually two reasons for this, and only one of them has to do with how fiercely competitive and task-oriented guys are.

The second one is this…

YOU ARE WORTH IT. If you can really start to OWN this and act like a high value woman, your man (not just any man, I’m talking about Mr. Right) will value you, too. The universe will meet you at the level of your commitment to yourself. Start today.

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Why Finding Love is So Hard

by Dr. Lara Fernandez on April 8, 2014

We just got back from a rest and sun-filled mini vacation in Fresno, CA. It was perfect! Lots of time with each other, reading novels, playing in the pool and with our dog (yes, we found a dog-friendly hotel and brought Bean along!). Good times. On the drive over to Fresno, we stopped at a park to rest and stretch and this is what we saw:

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and once we got to our destination, Bean just took over the hotel room! Every time one of us left our seat, he’d steal it! Silly guy.

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Why is finding love so hard? Why do we have to WORK at it?? I answer this common question in this week’s blog article. I hope you enjoy it and find value in it.

Johnny & Lara Recommend:
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Is it time for your fresh start? That total turnaround in your love life? Women will be driving or flying from all over California and the rest of the USA as well as from all over the world to be there. Women will fly from France, England, Haiti, Dubai, Germany, and more…what do they know that you don’t? Learn all about it here. YOU can join us right now at a significant savings because you are in our community. Listen to what previous graduates have to say, learn more, and register yourself here.

This is the only chance to learn with us personally in 2014. You really CAN break free of your past, embrace a new future, and change your love life forever. We’ll show you how, step by step. Come check out the info page and if it feels right for you, book your seat now so you don’t miss out. Special pricing ends this week.

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woman with questions Why Finding Love is So HardI get emails or questions from women a lot about love. One question I get a lot is: Why do I have to WORK at finding love? Why can’t it just be little effort and easy?

Here’s the deal:
Generally speaking, our western society does not support making romantic love a priority. Our preoccupation with money, consumerism and material success seems to me far more dominant an influence in our lives than our desire for a healthy, fulfilling marriage or committed partnership. We say we seek love and belonging, but as a whole, if you were to look at most single women’s calendar and checkbook, they spend far more time and energy acquiring money and the things it buys (retail therapy, anyone?). Love is an extracurricular activity– downgraded to the “off-hours.”, which are becoming shorter and shorter as the average work week and our TV and Internet/social media time increases.

REAL PROBLEM Why Finding Love is So HardThe real problem is the degree to which love and work are thought to be incompatible activities. Time spent on one is time unavailable for the other. Worse, in this patriarchal society, love and work require behavior that’s usually at odds with each other. For example, to succeed in the “marketplace”, you have to be competitive, “businesslike”, not “emotional”, be wary of others, and committed above all else to the bottom line. But to succeed in an intimate romantic relationship, you need to be cooperative, flexible, emotionally available and trusting, honest and committed above all else to the welfare of your loved one.

Such different mindsets are required for love and work that it’s super challenging to be good at both of them. And when a community values obvious material wealth and external things as much as ours does, most people are going to spend their energy becoming really good at work…but love will take a back seat.

So, when you, as a single, spiritual, successful woman, say you’re ready to find love, why has it become so elusive?

asian woman wondering Why Finding Love is So HardBecause society is against you, honey. Everybody knows that when you want to get into better shape, you get better results when you stop beating yourself up, trying out fad diets, and go get yourself a health coach. When you want to move up the career track or grow your business, what do you do? You hire a career or business coach, right?

But when it comes to love and relationships, truly THE most important and one of the most impactful areas of your life, you’re expected to just wing it.

Just wait for your Prince Charming to come along and sweep you off your feet.

It’s so funny to me: in EVERY other area of life, we EXPECT to invest time, energy, focus, and money to get to the next level. When you wanted to get a degree, you didn’t just stop by the university and hang out and expect them to hand you a degree, right? NO, you expected that you would have to make that a real priority in your life, and not just hope and wish that someday, your degree will just magically appear.

But not relationships. No, that’s supposed to just flow “naturally”, with no effort or inner work involved. Maybe it happens for some people… but not the majority certainly. Definitely not for me – how about you? It’s like the lottery, a few people become wealthy beyond their dreams when they play the lotto, but that’s not a financial plan to lean on, is it?

Fotolia 56886394 XS Why Finding Love is So HardWhen I was single, I sensed a big difference between me and my other single friends. For one thing, I seemed to be more determined and systematic in my search for love. And for another, I was certain I would succeed. This is why I hired a love coach, did personal growth programs and workshops, read books, and invested lots of time, energy, money in ME.

The strategies I used are strategies you can learn, and use them, too. Other women have. Why not you? That’s why we deliver our Love Breakthrough Weekend workshop once a year (and NOW is that time – you can learn more and register at a steep discount at our special invite site by clicking here). That life-changing weekend is a full immersion experience so that you can identify and release the hidden inner blocks to love and find your man. In spite of the pervasive negativity that surrounds marriage in our culture, I believe that relationships and love are what everything else in life is about. Johnny and I are committed to helping you do what it takes to attract what you say you want: soulmate love and the life of your dreams. It’s SO worth the energy and effort, I promise!

So, how are YOU investing your time, energy and money in learning about love? How are you making it a REAL priority in your life? Please share below. I’d love to hear from you and I do my best to respond to every comment.

Have a love-focused week!

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