Intuition or Insecurity?

by Dr. Lara Fernandez on October 28, 2014

Last week was my 45th birthday week! I feel really good going into my mid-40’s, even more comfortable in my skin than ever. Johnny whisked me away for a romantic weekend in San Francisco to celebrate. Here’s a few pics:

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Life is so good right now. As we move into the holiday season, (yes, I know- I can’t believe it either!), I encourage you to set your intention to have this holiday season be better then ever before. Yes, I know you want to share it with your soulmate. But don’t put off joy right now. Life is to be lived in the present, and to be savored!

I hope you enjoy this week’s article where I talk about your intuition and how to discern between whether it’s your intuition talking to you… or is it the voice of insecurity? Check it out.

Love and blessings,
Lara

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couple 437987 640 300x198  Intuition or Insecurity?Not long ago, I talked to a client who had been dating someone who she was hoping *might* be her special someone. Turns out he was not the one, for many reasons (infidelity and lying being the biggest). Once she realized this, this wise and empowered woman broke up with him. She didn’t stay with him to try to change him or wait for him to tap into his potential. She let him go as soon as it was crystal clear he just wasn’t a match, which we of course applaud! She said that while she was hurt, she applauded herself for realizing this so quickly. In the past, she said, a relationship like this could have stretched on for a year, years even, instead of the few months that it took this time.

When she and I did a de-brief on the relationship (what some might call a post-mortem), one of the things that we discussed was the red flags that may have been missed or ignored, and also how to tell if those feelings you’re feeling when a guy is “not quite right” are intuition or insecurity.

Dr. Judith Orloff is a psychiatrist and best-selling author of several books. In her book, “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life”, part of what she discusses is the difference between fear and intuition. I thought it is extremely helpful to learn how the insecure voice talks to you inside your head vs. your intuition. We help women get a visceral feel for this in our live workshops, but since you’re here, let’s look at this right now. I’ve included her chart below:

How To Tell Fear From Intuition

fear 2 300x300  Intuition or Insecurity?Signs of a Reliable Intuition

  • Conveys information neutrally, unemotionally
  • Feels right in your gut
  • Has a compassionate, affirming tone
  • Gives crisp, clear impressions that are “seen” first, then felt
  • Conveys a detached sensation, like you’re in a theater watching a movie

Signs of an Irrational Fear

  • Is highly emotionally charged
  • Has cruel, demeaning, or delusional content
  • Conveys no gut-centered confirmation or on-target feeling
  • Reflects past psychological wounds
  • Diminishes centeredness and perspective

When wondering if a thought is from fear or your higher power, you want to start to actually train yourself to question any thoughts that are negative or indicative of low self esteem. What do I mean? I mean, the voice of God inside your head does not speak to you in terms of scarcity, lack, or limitation. The voice of God is not cruel or unkind- if you hear that, you are hearing insecurity, fear, and contraction. God speaks to you as that “still, small voice” inside that is calm, courageous, encouraging, empowering, and firm and clear in its message of loving-kindness.

close up 18753 640  Intuition or Insecurity?And the cool thing is, the more you listen and heed this still, small voice, the stronger it gets! It’s like working a muscle. So take your intuition to the gym… the gymnasium of the heart, and start listening! Your life will change for the better, I promise.

Questions? Comments? Leave them in the comments section below. I love to hear from you and I do my best to respond to every comment as soon as I possibly can.

Have a wonderful week of blessings and kind self-talk!

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5 Easy Things You Can Do Right Now To Prepare For Love

by Dr. Lara Fernandez on October 21, 2014

So I am a new auntie! Johnny’s sister Zahra (who lives in Denmark) just had a little baby girl, Chloe, a week ago! We are enjoying the pictures and oo-ing and ah-ing over them and cannot wait to visit next summer and get to meet her precious self! As we reflected on all that Zahra had gone through to attract her soulmate Henrik and the life that she lives today with him, we just cried with joy!

You see, Zahra prepared herself for love. Actually, so did Henrik. They had both been married and heartbroken and divorced before, but they didn’t give up. In this week’s article, I share with you some steps that they took and that Johnny and I took to be READY for each other and to WELCOME our soulmates to us! Enjoy!

With love,
Lara

P.S. Our podcast will be launching soooon! Do you have a love or dating question you’d like us to answer “on the air” ? Please call in your short question here and Johnny will answer it on the podcast for you (and everyone)! Please call (512) 827-0505 Ext 3928 (remember to use the extension!). Please say your first name and your city or country, then ask your brief and focused question.

article banner1 5 Easy Things You Can Do Right Now To Prepare For Love

autumn 72736 640 5 Easy Things You Can Do Right Now To Prepare For LoveDon’t you just LOVE fall? It’s one of my favorite times of the year. Here in the Northern Hemisphere, we are preparing for the cooler, crisper months. This time of year is such a great time to re-connect and reach inside yourself and simply go inwards. Now that the playful, carefree days of summer are over, it’s time to reflect on how you’re going to create the last 3 months of 2014 (!!!). It’s a great time to commit to learn new information and create a new plan; a plan that includes living the life of your dreams with your soulmate by your side. You can start this process right away and my tips this week will help you start going in the right direction.

1. Clean House

Beauty is a high, high value of mine, and surrounding myself with it sends my spirits soaring. Start with a good old fashioned FALL CLEANING. Your clean house allows for a clean mind, body, and soul. Clutter in your surroundings causes clutter in your mind, making it hard to consciously feel your best about yourself (a must to attract love). Once it’s sparkling clean, do your best to make it cozy and comfy and absolutely beautiful.

Crafty 5 Easy Things You Can Do Right Now To Prepare For LoveYou don’t need to spend lots of money to make your home beautiful. Save up a little money and spend it on adding some fall touches, put some beautiful orange and yellow flowers in vases all over the house, buy or bring out your favorite warm candles, and light the fire if you have a fireplace. Bake something for someone you care about and bring it by their home, do some crafts with your child or with a friend or two (maybe make a soulmate vision board??), and just relish in the season that was made for introspection and comfort.

And speaking of cleaning house, give yourself some time to take stock of your entire life right now. Are there any toxic relationships you need to let go of? Is there a grudge or regret that you’re hanging on to? It’s time to release them. Consider this a fall cleaning for your mental health.

Action: What specific action will you take to clean house this week? It doesn’t have to take hours to start. Share in the comments below!

2. Cut out “retail therapy”

Have you ever found yourself buying something you don’t need, to make yourself happy when you’re down? Do you spend more when you’re stressed? “Retail therapy” is one method of stress relief that many people use consciously or unconsciously — it’s the act of buying yourself a little something to boost your mood when you’re feeling low, and it’s very common in women and teens. “Buyers Remorse” soon follows (usually around the time you look at your bank account or get that credit card bill) and research reveals that we then feel worse than before, and are in a worse place in your life – a terrible downward spiral. (stuff is different than experiences, like vacations or classes which don’t have the same “buyers remorse” as when buying physical objects)

woman 169286 640 5 Easy Things You Can Do Right Now To Prepare For LoveNow, I like shopping as much (if not more!) than the next woman… but I’ve learned that shopping while in emotional pain causes more pain later. It DOES make you feel better temporarily, but it’s a temporary high (yes, a high… research shows retail therapy while under stress triggers the same areas in the brain as cocaine or alcohol in addicts), and believe me, there’s certain to be a crash sooner or later.

Action: What specific action can you take this week to simply be more mindful of any retail therapy tendencies you may have? Perhaps it’s simply to commit to NOT go shopping when the going gets tough, but to sit instead and journal your feelings and then go out for a LONG hike in nature, whatever the weather!

3. Reconnect with others

Since the weather is starting to turn a bit colder at this time, people tend to stay at home more. While I understand not wanting to leave your newly cleaned and cozy house, you need to get out and connect with people also. Enjoying your time at home TOO much could lead to feelings of isolation, or cabin fever. Spend some time with your favorite people. Really. Of course, you are super busy. So are they. But life is short, dear one. Those people you keep saying you want to go out to dinner with but never reach out to? Either reach out to them and put the date on the calendar this week… or simply de-commit from that idea and just let it go. You are tying up valuable energies within yourself when you SAY you want to do something, but never actually take action on it.

vegetables 218139 640 5 Easy Things You Can Do Right Now To Prepare For LoveGo to your local farmers market with that dear friend, attend fall festivals, or check out the local pumpkin patch with your kids and another single mom and her kids. Whatever you do, do it with all your heart. Getting out in your community is very important as it gives you a sense of belonging and identity. It’s an important part of learning and growing – which is why all our courses emphasize the community aspect.

Action: What specific action will you take to reconnect with others this week? Who will you reach out to? Where will you go? Share with me, I’d love to hear about it.

4. Reconnect with yourself.

Often, like once a week, give yourself the gift of a date night with yourself. This is a practice I did for myself when I was single and was looking for love. “Dating myself” and committing time to myself gave me an opportunity to PRACTICE and EMBODY the level of commitment I desired from my beloved.

woman 172757 640 5 Easy Things You Can Do Right Now To Prepare For LoveHere’s some ideas for your date night with yourself:

a. Turn off all electronics. Challenge yourself and take NO pictures of your candles, incense, bathtub filled with rose petals, etc so you CANNOT post them to Instagram or Facebook! Just be alone without your phone or computer.

b. Turn on some beautiful instrumental music that makes your soul happy.

c. Get out your beautiful soulmate manifesting journal (you DO have one, don’t you?) and take the time to journal any and all things that are going on in your love life and life in general. Remember, you are a holistic being… and how your living situation with your roommate is going WILL affect your love life, for example. So journal your thoughts and feelings on your life.

5. Expand

Commit to learn something new about love… become what I call a “Student of Love”. Expand your mind. Read a new book, preferably in a subject or setting you know little about. If you’re too busy to do this, you’re too busy to fit in a man, darling. Expand and create the space NOW for real love. This will stretch you as a person and allows growth. If you’re truly interested in growing immensely, take a class in something you are deeply interested in, or even in an area that you previously assumed that you’d be too much of a novice to even try. For example, love great pictures but feel like “photography” classes will be boring, too technical, or just not fun? Take a class on it to gain a new appreciation and new knowledge! Who knows? Maybe it will become a new passion once you learn a little more.

photographer 407068 640 5 Easy Things You Can Do Right Now To Prepare For LoveTo take this one step further, take on learning a new skill! Learn how to speak another language, or the art of making jewelry. Of course, you can always do what I did and become a student of love, a student of how to really attract true love. We’re big on that one. icon wink 5 Easy Things You Can Do Right Now To Prepare For Love

ACTION: How are you expanding yourself past your comfort zone right now? I’d love to hear from you what you’re going to do.

Please share with me some or all of the ACTIONS you’ll take right away to become more open and available to love. I love to hear from you and I do my best to respond to every comment.

Make this fall your best fall ever and head into the cooler months of winter a more fulfilled and replenished you! Have a GREAT week!

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The Top 10 Reasons Being With Your Soulmate Is So Awesome

October 14, 2014

We had such a beautiful weekend! Saturday night, we went out with our Advanced Program client and her new husband for a double date to talk all things love and marriage. What an honor and a blessing to witness their love and respect for one another. Every time we go out to dinner with a […]

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Relationships are only work if YOU haven’t done your work FIRST

September 30, 2014

After a weekend of fun crafting with sparkly and glittery things with Isabelle, my heart is full. Spending time with her creating beautiful things that make us feel good inside is such a blessing! This was our dining room table ALL weekend! It was a glorious, riotous mess I tell you! In this week’s article, […]

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If you gave your power away, go get it back!

September 23, 2014

After a great weekend spent with my dad and Johnny and Isabelle, I am ready for a great week! How about you? I hope you enjoy this week’s article. I look forward to reading your comments on the blog! It’s time to stop living in the past, girlfriend. Let go of those old relationships that […]

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